~insanities

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About Me Member Wannabe Novelist Molly15/Female/United Kingdom

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Dolly's Personality

Once I found a piece of green glass. It was just lying there on the ground, right in the middle of the street. It was beautiful. So I picked it up and I stared, just stared at it. And then Mum saw and yelled at me to put it down at once, and I got scared and I cut myself on it and I bled and bled and bled. And Mum said You Stupid Little Girl in this really angry voice and even though she apologised later, even though she hugged me and laughed at herself, I hated it and I hated her and I just wanted to hurt I just wanted to–
Dolly is fragile.
She smiles; she smiles a lot. She likes smiles. They reassure her. She

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blowing the world upi had a dream that i blew the world up, because you told me to, and we stood on your roof and watched it go.
i said, “is it beautiful?” and you shook your head. you looked at what we’d done and started crying.
i didn’t know what to do, then, or how to understand. i reached out to you and you walked away.
i said, “i didn’t mean to”, which was a lie,
and you looked at me and shrugged.
“but you did,” you said, and that was that.
i woke up to an empty house. blowing the world up
by ~insanities

uselessshe fell apart in an empty room. the birds outside were shrieking in competition; the sound pushed into her mind and stayed there. she wanted to shriek with them.
she turned the lights off and sat in the dark. she imagined ghosts, coming to haunt her,
coming to hate her, dragging her off. she crammed herself into the corner and tried to take up no space at all.
she cried, over and over again. the tears did not help, they were angry and cold, empty and sad, useless. she got into bed and closed her eyes. the birds could not call her out. useless
by ~insanities

someone else's thoughtsJoanna’s train drew in at quarter-past eleven: it was ten minutes late. She got off and found herself looking for Katherine in her own way, quickly and shyly, and then thought that it was another thing she would need to change. She had a whole list of those, on a piece of paper stuffed in her jeans pocket; the list was written in her own neat narrow writing. Katherine’s handwriting was entirely different, large and rough and wide. Joanna had learned to copy it, but she still couldn’t quite write it on her own. She should have used the list as a way of practising, it occurred to her now – but it was too late. She took her p someone else's thoughts
by ~insanities

her own wordsit is her own words, in the end, which hurt her. it is her own anger which burns her, and as she hides the scar, in the tiny downstairs toilet, curled up against the wall, she thinks about going home. the lights are off and her parents are asleep. she goes to bed, but her words are in her ears; she puts on her slippers and her dressing-gown, presents from her
aunt, and she walks through the house like a ghost. there are cars on the road outside and she listens to their noise, imagines herself walking out the door and getting into one. she wants to run away, and, fo her own words
by ~insanities

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being ridiculous

Fri Feb 6, 2009, 3:55 PM

i hate how ridiculous i get when i'm upset. i always do this thing of starting conversations with people, because i want to tell them, but then chickening out. which means that i end up just saying a load of stupid irrelevant things so that i won't have to tell them... the, um, stupid and irrelevant truth. like, i once rang my best friend when i was really upset, and then i couldn't really say anything so i just started going on about wishing her sister a late happy birthday. i'm so sensible, right

so i'm posting this on here because every other site i blog on, quite a few people read it/comment on it, and i don't really want everyone reading my angst. but i do want to publish my angst on the internet, apparently? idk. i'm kind of rambling here.

basically, i'm just confused and sad and i don't understand why i'm confused and i don't understand why i'm sad, and because when i try to talk about being confused or sad i end up accidentally changing the subject, i'm just going to post about it on here instead.

yeah.

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Listening to: how to save a life (acoustic)
Reading: the line of beauty (again)
Watching: skins trailers
Playing: nothing
Eating: nothing
Drinking: nothing

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Devious Info

Current Residence: england
Interests: writing, acting, singing, reading, daydreaming incessantly, talking crap
Favourite movie: wendy and lucy
Favourite band or musician: not sure
Favourite genre of music: it depends/everything
Favourite poet or writer: i love sadie jones for... the, um, one book she's written. it's a good book though
Favourite style of art: i'm not sure. i like art which seems to mean something, instead of being technically perfect
Operating System: windows/ubuntu
MP3 player of choice: my ipod. idc how shit/rip-off they are
Favourite game: ico maybe
Favourite cartoon character: courage the cowardly dog. :P
Personal Quote: "being a person is getting too complicated."
Tools of the Trade: keyboard, i am dull